TITLE: The Power and the Glory
AUTHOR: stellar_dust
EMAIL: stellar_dust_x@yahoo.com
WEBSITE: http://katycat.net/xfiles/
ARCHIVE/FEEDBACK: Please!
SPOILERS: Biogenesis arc, All Souls .. other 
stuff
CHALLENGE: First Lines (Bible - Book of 
Ezekiel)
WORD COUNT: Just over 500.  Scully has a lot to 
think about.
SUMMARY: I feel as though the gentle waves 
lapping at my ankles herald a flood sent to 
topple the foundations of my faith.
DISCLAIMER: In the beginning, Chris Carter 
created the believer and the skeptic.  Then 
they switched roles a few times, but they still 
belong to him.  (-;
DATE: 06/30/04


/In the thirtieth year, in the fourth month, on 
the fifth day of the month, as I was among the 
exiles by the river Chebar, the heavens were 
opened, and I saw visions of God./

I stand there, with the waves washing over my 
sandals and making the thing beneath the water 
into an unreal, carnival mirror reflection of 
impossibility, thinking of Ezekiel and his 
chariots of fire, who I first felt akin to 
after I saw the Seraph and the Nephilim - 

I stand there, and I wonder.  And I feel as 
though the gentle waves lapping at my ankles 
herald a flood sent to topple the foundations 
of my faith.

Oh, Mulder, I think, and I falter.  Oh, Mulder, 
my faith in science is strong, but my faith in 
God is deeper, is the basis of all that I am.  
Mulder, I don't want this to happen; Mulder, I 
don't want to believe.

"O God of my fathers and Lord of mercy, who 
hast made all things by thy word .. give me 
wisdom .."  The prayer is dry and bitter in my 
mouth, and I stop.

Ezekiel in his ignorance saw wheels of eyes and 
a dome of crystal and his faith was 
strengthened.  I in my wisdom witness the power 
of this metal and words, and I turn away.  I 
taste ashes and I envy the prophet his 
innocence.

God is alien, God is a lie, God is a conspiracy 
.. the accusations pound through my brain in a 
litany of hammer and anvil.  I grip my elbows 
and I stare across the ocean at the setting sun 
as my hair whips into my eyes and I'm not 
crying, I'm not -

The sunset is brilliant.  I wish Mulder could 
see it.

I take a deep, shaking break and begin to 
relax.  I remember that I'm not here for God.  
I'm not here for me.  I'm here for Mulder.  My 
faith in God may falter and I may lose track of 
who I am, but my belief in Mulder will never 
fail.  I know this without thinking, as true as 
breathing, as real as life: unbreakable.

My Truth, my God, the God I've known and loved 
and prayed to all my life, the God that 
sustained me through my cancer and my 
abduction, is in that sunset.  And in Mulder.  
Not in this ancient monstrosity, or in anything 
that it stands for.  Never there.

The dead metal that lies in the shifting sands 
at my feet is nothing more than a means to an 
end.  No matter what the rubbings reveal.  I 
will use it to save Mulder, if I can; but my 
faith and this ship share /nothing/ in common.

The sun falls beneath the curve of the Earth.  
I tie my hair back from my face and retreat up 
the beach to our tent.  I feel as though I've 
won a victory, but deep inside I know it to be 
only the first of many battles, and already my 
armor has begun to crack.